burobbi's abode

happy birthday!

2006-12-07T01:57:00.000+08:00

this is supposed to be 6 dec but i come home so late...

gah.

happy bdae! (:

ok. now ure 16. ohwell. dinner rocked!

there was like so many hundred kinds of antipasti! so nice! ha. i always like the duck.. they always do it so nicely. i love it.. ohwell. ok la. tired. ha. goodnight! xP

prom..?

2006-12-07T01:48:00.000+08:00

what does prom stand for anyway? i still dont really know.

ohwell..!

took quite alot of photos omg! with all the random ppl around..!

prom prezzies! gave out 4 prezzies..! to bernie, sophie, weix and angie! gah sophia was missing..! i asked zhiwei den they all said she was overseas.. den bernie insisted that she was here cuz she was nominated for miss congeniality.. but apparently she was overseas cuz i met meryl after the thing and she noted that i had sth for sophia.. (but they passed the stuff to charmaine instead) ha. yea got to know a few ppl.. (: said hi's to meryl and yizhe and stuff.. ooh and angie liked the prez..! so did bernie!! and weix! hope sophia likes it too!

prom was quite fun! except post prom was a nightmare. thank goodness i din go! >< heard half the ppl got drunk and some random ppl jus started smoking omg. seems like they booked the place till 2 and then everyone zaoed by 1. so what to do? stay behind and play piano. playing a piano as u wish.. in a big open area.. at 1am.. is quite an experience..! haha.

ohwell. im jus thankful that i took away so many new friends! (:

cheers..~~!

the hate

2006-11-25T10:22:00.000+08:00

and now i can go back to hating rjc in peace.

amid my tempest of feelings. i just hate everything.

life sucks.

lunch + beethoven

2006-11-20T16:16:00.000+08:00

beethoven's 32nd sonata rocks my socks!

apart from that.. yihan + keyi + jiayi + me had a super terrific lunch at tien court... super nice food (: codfish + dimsum and the service and food were all terrific (: and then they were like super impressed hahaha.. den we had mango pudding which was really nice too.. ahh. den we walk all the way to clarke quay after lunch.. den gah had to find a way to pass my cert to mr chong so in the end i left it like in the fire hose there. so unglam! >< okay.

and today's angie's birthday! happy birthday darlin mei! (: haf a rockin 18th! =D

and good luck for christine's ftcl (zomg!)

wahh i super full and ultra tired. bio was a disaster. quotequote-- "fubared."

the reward

2006-11-17T12:52:00.000+08:00

and i have been well rewarded..

thank you!

string break!

2006-11-15T19:31:00.000+08:00

rach 2! bang! break! ): E6/F6. lol. whatfun.

day of reckoning #1

2006-11-15T01:15:00.000+08:00

so...

how? ):

im excited and nervous and happy and sad all at the same time.

and i cant concentrate.

forget it.

i'll just continue to mug phy and pretend nothing happened.

like youre waiting for the call of your life.

one of them.

how?

dno.

bleeding heart romanticism

2006-11-10T21:19:00.000+08:00

sound so powerful, so coherent, so brilliant and exciting and heartwrenching...

sound so natural and musical...

sound that flowed with your thoughts, amplifying and resonating with it... and something that pulsated together with your heartbeat, making you and the music as one...

sound so powerful and imaginative, it appealed not only to humans at face value, but it went past the superficial and touched a nerve in your heart, so striking that it instead appealed to the very instinct and nature of humankind.

that of joyousness and grief, that of the vastness of the earth and land, the unbounded imaginations of the soul, that was all-encompassing and could just encapsulate someone in that world that was the music.

something that could evoke your tears, and change your mood. something so deep and touching not only your eyes cried, your heart bled along with it.

sound so sincere, it could vanquish the hypocrisy and cynicism and evil in the world, something that could reflect upon the darkest of human soul, and show it so sheerly.

sound so tangible, your fingers could feel itself playing to the music, you could feel yourself moving along with the melody, the many lines- ups and downs, and the harmonies- chord I's, chord III7#5's, chord IV7's, chord V's, chord VI's, perfect cadences, imperfect cadences, plagal cadences, interrupted cadences, modulations... all of that. you could feel as if you were the music- being so intently yet respectfully wrenched from the written score into the hearts of the audiences...

what sound..

how true.

2006-11-10T14:28:00.000+08:00

yc showed me this. how true..

bleeding heart romanticism

2006-11-09T02:19:00.000+08:00

sound so powerful, so coherent, so brilliant and exciting and heartwrenching...

sound so natural and musical...

sound that flowed with your thoughts, amplifying and resonating with it... and something that pulsated together with your heartbeat, making you and the music as one...

something that could evoke your tears, and change your mood. something so deep and touching not only your eyes cried, your heart bled along with it.

sound so sincere, it could vanquish the hypocrisy and cynicism and evil in the world, something that could reflect upon the darkest of human soul, and show it so sheerly.

what sound..

rach2

2006-11-08T00:15:00.000+08:00

sigh.

dno. things are falling apart and im trying to hold things together.

not a fun job i assure you.

can someone tell me why did sec^2 - 1 become tan^2??

whyyy??????? gaaaaaah.

i feel so stupid.

of music and exams

2006-11-06T11:24:00.000+08:00

no this post is not about lr results..

tho come to think of it its been >2months alr. ohwell how time flies. dammit ns in 1 month lol. how fast. gaah. exams sucks.

ohwell.

was singing rach2's line to myself while playing piano part.. i just realised the importance of knowing the shape of the line (well its not so much a line as it is a whole plane or surface..).. i love rach 2. and mozart's getting to me. ohwell. what a refreshing change.

special menu

2006-11-05T16:41:00.000+08:00

i had a brainwave... and i decided to compose a menu of brain food... literally brain food.

--Special Menu--

-Hors d'Oeuvre-

Fried Brain in Special Chef's Sauce

Thinly Cut and Fried to a Crisp

Brain Jelly Salad tossed in Salsa

Special Jelly on a bed of Mesclun Greens and Croutons

Selections from Cold Cuts of Brain

Fresh and Cured, with Balsamic Vinegar and Olive Oil Dip

-Soup-

Cream of Brain Soup

Simmered with Parsley and Assorted Mushrooms

-Mains-

Char-Grilled Brain with Honey and Sesame Dip

Meticulously Grilled in Traditional Style

Brain Steak a la Bourguignonne

Seared to Perfection with Red Wine Sauce

Baked Filament of Brain with Spices and Camembert

An Eclectic Hint of Thyme and Rosemary in Deluxe Cheese

-Dessert-

Double-Boiled Brain Dessert Soup

With Gingko Nut, Lotus Seed and Almonds

Brain Sorbet and Pie

Refreshing Icy Sorbet against a Freshly Baked Filo Pastry

hope it appetises all those who're studying their brains out for A's (:

special menu

2006-11-05T16:14:00.000+08:00

i had a brainwave... and i decided to compose a menu of brain food... literally brain food.

--Special Menu--

-Hors d'Oeuvre-

Fried Brain in Special Chef's Sauce

Thinly Cut and Fried to a Crisp

Brain Jelly Salad tossed in Salsa

Special Jelly on a bed of Mesclun Greens and Croutons

Selections from Cold Cuts of Brain

Fresh and Cured, with Balsamic Vinegar and Olive Oil Dip

-Soup-

Cream of Brain Soup

Simmered with Parsley and Assorted Mushrooms

-Mains-

Char-Grilled Brain with Honey and Sesame Dip

Meticulously Grilled in Traditional Style

Brain Steak &0224; la Bourguignonne

Seared to Perfection with Red Wine Sauce

Baked Filament of Brain with Spices and Camembert

An Eclectic Hint of Thyme and Rosemary in Deluxe Cheese

-Dessert-

Double-Boiled Brain Dessert Soup

With Gingko Nut, Lotus Seed and Almonds

Brain Sorbet and Pie

Refreshing Icy Sorbet against a Freshly Baked Filo Pastry

hope it appetises all those who're studying their brains out for A's (:

new results?

2006-11-04T11:42:00.000+08:00

lol?

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obs-Comp: Moderate

personality test?

2006-11-01T22:45:00.000+08:00

dont know if its true.
my test results are pro shocking.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid :	Very High
Schizoid :	Low
Schizotypal :	High
Antisocial :	High
Borderline :	Very High
Histrionic :	High
Narcissistic :	High
Avoidant :	Very High
Dependent :	Very High
Obs/Comp :	High

something amusing

2006-10-29T13:13:00.000+08:00

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Nam eget sapien nec sem lacinia tempus. Duis lorem. Maecenas blandit purus in odio. Mauris varius. Fusce volutpat orci pulvinar dolor. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos hymenaeos. Nullam tempor tellus eget mauris. Pellentesque in sem. In id libero et est imperdiet bibendum. Aenean ligula mi, mollis quis, aliquet in, tincidunt in, sem. Ut quis neque. Sed semper interdum neque. Maecenas id tellus. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Mauris vestibulum. Aliquam eu diam vitae elit scelerisque venenatis. Ut vestibulum. Aenean non pede ac diam euismod pharetra.

Morbi tempus condimentum diam. Nunc a eros at nisi mollis congue. Vivamus luctus pretium tortor. Vivamus libero. Sed elementum. Maecenas turpis risus, dapibus in, fringilla aliquam, dapibus id, eros. Nullam enim orci, posuere nec, dictum in, consectetuer non, ipsum. Quisque enim. Suspendisse ante pede, vehicula non, pulvinar eu, tincidunt quis, mi. Sed dui orci, imperdiet in, lobortis vel, lobortis sit amet, lectus. Curabitur volutpat fringilla nunc. Nulla ac enim non dolor pulvinar blandit.

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Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Quisque posuere urna sit amet dui. Maecenas at tellus in neque malesuada posuere. Nullam rhoncus. Sed aliquam lectus sed risus. Fusce tellus pede, consectetuer a, congue a, dapibus varius, ligula. Praesent imperdiet diam lacinia ipsum. Donec purus lectus, feugiat non, egestas vitae, pulvinar quis, ligula. Vivamus vestibulum dui et quam. Mauris vel sem. Aenean at urna. Integer vulputate. Proin congue dapibus dolor. Fusce aliquet felis tristique enim. Aliquam varius metus id neque. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos hymenaeos. Ut egestas, diam ut tempus feugiat, metus risus scelerisque tortor, tempor condimentum velit mauris eget mi. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Morbi non velit sit amet odio vulputate porta.

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Integer et est. Ut posuere. Curabitur eleifend diam id velit. Aenean tortor sem, tempus ut, pulvinar at, imperdiet ac, purus. Mauris vestibulum dui at turpis. Nunc condimentum. Praesent tincidunt sollicitudin lorem. Donec a leo sed tortor lacinia sagittis. Pellentesque cursus. Curabitur neque. Donec magna. Vivamus a lectus. Aenean turpis urna, condimentum et, ullamcorper et, varius non, nunc. Donec ullamcorper leo id nisl.

Cras sed velit. Nulla ut est. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Curabitur vitae diam vitae lectus tincidunt sagittis. Quisque aliquet nisi ac nulla. Nunc libero nisi, malesuada non, feugiat sit amet, tempus vitae, est. Nunc vestibulum. Nullam vel arcu ac elit suscipit blandit. Morbi metus erat, bibendum vel, adipiscing eget, pulvinar ut, odio. Curabitur non lectus id neque faucibus tristique. Cras pharetra. Suspendisse metus elit, accumsan eu, accumsan vitae, pretium sollicitudin, nisl. Aenean interdum, eros auctor eleifend accumsan, sapien justo malesuada augue, sed auctor libero elit at augue. Pellentesque volutpat pede sit amet dolor. Nunc ut pede. Suspendisse leo. Nulla nec augue quis ligula pretium cursus.

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Duis id nisl. Nullam pede. Ut turpis. Maecenas consectetuer. Cras non mauris eget felis faucibus ultricies. Vestibulum molestie vestibulum dolor. Morbi gravida erat in massa. Nulla porttitor nisi et leo. Suspendisse potenti. Vestibulum faucibus porttitor orci. Integer convallis, sem sed dignissim sollicitudin, tortor justo congue ante, quis fringilla ante lorem at libero. Curabitur viverra tortor vel lorem. Duis id nisi. Aenean egestas. Etiam in urna. Nullam consequat nulla quis metus.

Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Aenean ligula. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos hymenaeos. Donec ullamcorper dolor eget dolor. Suspendisse molestie. Quisque condimentum lacinia tortor. Morbi cursus tellus scelerisque velit. Pellentesque placerat sapien viverra mauris. Proin purus ligula, bibendum ut, adipiscing quis, elementum quis, leo.

Ut velit. Mauris lectus justo, fermentum in, scelerisque varius, nonummy ac, nisi. Nam vel pede. Vestibulum non eros et massa tempus consequat. Nunc tortor lacus, cursus sit amet, iaculis at, suscipit ac, enim. Aliquam erat volutpat. Pellentesque non nulla vel mi vestibulum sodales. Cras pulvinar volutpat orci. Fusce lorem. Nullam cursus, orci vitae rhoncus mollis, orci dolor sagittis sem, vel consectetuer felis neque et lorem. Ut congue rhoncus metus. Sed eros pede, fringilla eget, adipiscing et, aliquet eu, sapien. Donec interdum congue nisl.

Nullam vel quam. Phasellus commodo, risus posuere tristique feugiat, sem justo semper pede, et facilisis risus velit quis erat. Suspendisse sit amet libero bibendum erat vehicula rhoncus. Proin porta pede vel magna. Cras posuere sagittis urna. Nulla auctor sem. Cras dictum interdum est. Praesent pede. Curabitur turpis odio, sagittis ac, semper at, porta ac, mi. Morbi eu dolor. In faucibus fringilla lacus. Donec metus tellus, vestibulum eget, luctus in, rutrum tincidunt, erat. Suspendisse viverra elit. Nam aliquet nibh et lectus. Aliquam id tellus vitae diam vestibulum dictum.

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Maecenas interdum facilisis nulla. Maecenas scelerisque, sem ac pharetra dictum, erat enim placerat purus, et fringilla justo eros ultrices mi. Nulla vitae dui quis quam fringilla dictum. Proin in augue ac diam egestas pulvinar. In euismod pretium lectus. Morbi ac dolor et orci bibendum lobortis. Curabitur dictum, felis quis ullamcorper venenatis, nunc augue ultricies sem, ut consequat diam urna vel justo. Sed fringilla. Nam in felis. Sed vehicula. Nunc tincidunt urna in velit.

Nam pellentesque ornare dolor. Duis in diam. Duis facilisis malesuada arcu. Proin lacus neque, faucibus at, iaculis a, sodales nec, sem. Praesent accumsan, leo nec molestie feugiat, mi enim nonummy ante, quis commodo ipsum elit a lacus. Phasellus pharetra mauris vel ipsum. Duis facilisis, magna sit amet ultricies blandit, metus lectus nonummy orci, vel aliquet metus lectus et dolor. Nam ornare feugiat odio. Mauris semper. Vivamus convallis. Donec tristique rutrum est. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Fusce sagittis, nisi quis commodo dictum, dolor nisl vestibulum sapien, at lacinia leo tellus eu turpis. Etiam eget erat ac metus vulputate varius. Curabitur nisl mi, pharetra in, hendrerit non, facilisis ac, pede.

Vivamus lorem leo, aliquam in, molestie vel, rhoncus sit amet, nisi. Integer nisi urna, ullamcorper ut, ultricies eget, aliquet eget, velit. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Integer ac risus ac libero vulputate cursus. Duis risus nisi, congue et, molestie vitae, semper in, felis. Fusce non velit in ligula tincidunt vehicula. Cras varius neque eget urna. Morbi eget neque. Mauris libero lorem, commodo non, imperdiet id, aliquam ac, tellus. Integer feugiat urna sit amet dolor.

Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Nam placerat lacinia libero. Praesent pretium mi et lorem. In magna lacus, vehicula sed, fringilla at, faucibus ut, est. Pellentesque hendrerit. Sed viverra elit vel nibh. Vestibulum non est. Donec nisl lacus, tristique non, malesuada adipiscing, pulvinar ac, est. Aliquam in tellus. Quisque dictum augue gravida orci. Donec sapien dolor, varius vel, venenatis et, pulvinar non, sem. Praesent ac magna vitae ligula pharetra convallis. Nullam congue nisl eget metus. Cras felis nulla, imperdiet sagittis, semper at, porta sed, nisi. Morbi auctor condimentum augue. Nullam ultricies.

Mauris pharetra risus ac lectus. In venenatis augue nec dolor. Vivamus aliquet urna a arcu. Mauris tempus, lectus ac consequat facilisis, sapien nulla hendrerit velit, vel pretium eros purus sit amet lorem. Suspendisse potenti. Maecenas viverra elit a nisl. Maecenas eu libero. Duis consequat accumsan purus. Nullam nec lectus sit amet sem venenatis volutpat. Quisque porta commodo est. Etiam scelerisque, tortor id hendrerit eleifend, nulla arcu luctus tellus, pretium pharetra est mi ut nunc. Vestibulum nec diam vitae sapien tristique vulputate. Donec rhoncus vulputate tortor. Cras vulputate blandit tortor. Nunc aliquet turpis eu purus sodales sagittis.

Mauris eleifend tempus ante. Nunc malesuada dolor vitae lorem. Sed pharetra, magna nec lacinia imperdiet, nulla lacus tincidunt velit, id tristique mauris erat sit amet erat. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Nulla facilisi. Integer eu turpis sed purus rutrum pharetra. Donec pretium lacus at sapien. Praesent aliquet. Pellentesque vitae nibh. Etiam neque diam, facilisis in, posuere at, posuere eu, lacus. Vestibulum eleifend, nibh a dictum nonummy, lacus pede facilisis mauris, vel fermentum mauris sapien vitae purus. Vivamus blandit, neque non mollis mattis, diam augue sollicitudin nibh, in laoreet eros nisi vel justo. Cras mattis luctus leo. Nunc semper, lorem quis pharetra porta, quam tellus feugiat ante, ac pretium dui ante sit amet metus. Praesent eu odio sit amet ligula tristique tristique. Morbi id elit. Duis non nulla. Proin ullamcorper eros eu nisl. Cras congue.

Cras id diam. Fusce feugiat, ipsum vitae vestibulum ornare, purus mauris porta metus, in cursus quam mi at dui. Quisque at quam eget turpis porta dapibus. Cras metus. Nunc commodo. Fusce pulvinar dolor sed libero. Mauris nunc felis, congue vel, aliquet auctor, laoreet ut, mi. Aenean at ante vel augue pellentesque commodo. Ut lacus lorem, malesuada nec, tempor nec, faucibus quis, tellus. Phasellus sed ipsum. Cras quis eros. Morbi non justo ut leo ultricies commodo. Donec vitae ipsum id purus ullamcorper dapibus. Ut nec risus eget nisi laoreet hendrerit.

Pellentesque ut urna eget turpis bibendum scelerisque. Mauris odio erat, pulvinar eu, laoreet ut, molestie a, ante. Nunc egestas ultrices mi. Mauris ut dolor. Etiam sapien dui, ultricies nec, feugiat sed, semper et, ante. Nulla euismod. Morbi pede tellus, eleifend tincidunt, tempus non, feugiat ac, ante. Integer et eros. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Proin eu lectus et lorem consectetuer vehicula. Donec odio.

Nunc dignissim urna non lorem. Nulla facilisi. Mauris eget odio. Nunc convallis adipiscing nunc. Sed elit justo, pulvinar et, fringilla at, placerat sed, nunc. Phasellus aliquet semper enim. Morbi a nisi. Vivamus iaculis arcu. Donec at augue. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Mauris congue. Vivamus velit magna, tincidunt quis, dapibus et, dapibus nec, tellus. Nulla posuere risus in arcu. Sed placerat fermentum tortor. Sed pulvinar ante a justo. Aliquam rutrum posuere felis. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos hymenaeos. Integer augue felis, accumsan sit amet, sodales ut, porttitor a, elit.

Mauris vel orci. Nullam lobortis risus nec enim. Pellentesque dolor nibh, ornare at, tempus nec, elementum ut, eros. Donec non mauris tempor lectus vestibulum pulvinar. In ut ipsum. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Sed eleifend. Vivamus tellus nulla, fermentum id, gravida nec, lobortis nec, libero. Maecenas elementum convallis ligula. Maecenas nibh. Nunc erat ipsum, suscipit fermentum, nonummy nec, blandit in, ante. Integer quam augue, tempor id, commodo feugiat, scelerisque et, augue.

sound so tangible..

2006-10-28T11:27:00.000+08:00

a flood sound so incessant, so powerful and solid it was tangible, and your hands could feel the palpable vibrations of each individual note, each individual chord, and you could virtually see with your eyes the stunning kaleidoscopic spectra of colours and imagery, so vivid you could feel yourself transported to the vastness of the origins from which the music came- the great mind, and huge nation. the sound so overwhelming and all-consuming, your senses were just instantly hit and numbed by the sheer impact of the wave of the sound, so much that the sound didnt simply appeal to your ears or your sensory organs, but even to the very basics of human nature and emotion...

only if my playing was as fertile as my imagination.

sleepless nights

2006-10-26T14:30:00.000+08:00

last night, for the first time in my life, i saw faces coming out of weird random shapes and things when i close my eyes. i saw ppl laughing at me. their laughter was not the friendly kind that so many of us are accustomed to. instead, i saw sniding faces, smirking at me, deriding me, tongues out, funny faces, fingers pointing. i saw ppl. even their friendliest laughs were all overtoned with malice. i couldnt sleep. things just kept coming back to me. i've even forgotten how to cry. all those tiny things that happened, those words people said, those things, it just came flooding back. one by one. i couldnt concentrate or think. why? why must i be so affected at this time? i hate all of you. all you who brought me misery. i'm going mad. sigh. damn it.

unplayable works

2006-10-25T20:29:00.000+08:00

nicolson and i sorta agree that there are some things that arent really meant to be played.. like its a waste of composer's time and effort and like its impossible to play it and when you finally do, theres precious few ppl left to enjoy and praise your work. like:

balakirev's islamey
beethoven's hammerklavier
sorabji's opus clavicembalisticum

something about that kind of works. its like.. okay, the composer rocks, we know that now (: see you in a while..!

goodbye?

2006-10-24T14:58:00.000+08:00

i think its been nice living on this earth for 18 years. i've seen several kinds of people, enough to last me a lifetime. nice people, bad people... it's been nice knowing everyone.

what if..

2006-10-24T01:02:00.000+08:00

i see alot of ppl discussing the suicide case in rj fervently. its hushed, but the news eventually gets around. students are all gossiping. teachers are now preparing to counsel students and everything.

but what if there was another suicide case? and it was someone you knew..?

ryan's blog

2006-10-23T18:04:00.000+08:00

ryan's new design is up!

check it out here!

hehe... =P lets wait for comments from viewers ahahahahahaa..!

ryan's quartet

2006-10-22T20:24:00.000+08:00

here's praise to ryan's quartet which really caught my attention.. it's really nice. kudos to his really sensible, interesting harmony, and really, to wenbin who did a brilliant job on the cello.

rach2

2006-10-22T01:33:00.000+08:00

its amazing how one of the concertos that i ardently disliked could become one of my favourites. it was a really long way to go in accepting this already widely-accepted, popular concerto. it takes a retard so long to accept that the piano part was written like that. but the more you understand the composer and the composition, the work just gets so beautiful. i havent heard many recordings. the only few i've heard so far are like probably anievas (which is a far cry from the rest), rachmaninov 1929 (which is not too bad, but rach just sounds so gentle and almost timid.. but it wasnt too bad. at least you know how he played his works), and lang lang (which is really good).

now why i say lang lang's one is good. it's tempo is slow- almost lethargic and retarded in the 'slow' sense (not in the 'idiot' sense)..- but with it he brought out the tiny things inside, and of course, the most amazing thing was that with this tempo he still managed to generate tension at the right places (and of course, it would be musical to -really- piu mosso at the right places) and sustain the super long lines. it was brilliant. perhaps the only quibble i have with it is that lang lang's obsession with making the piano loud and heard always. he got the bell sound i think, which was good, but sometimes the piano overbalanced with the orchestra and it sounded more like lang lang was trying to get into the limelight than showcase the whole piano-orchestra combination together as a whole item. then lang lang's choice of venue, setting and location was brilliant. live settings are always my preferred mode of recording. spontaneous, fresh and musical. i like it. the orchestra was BRILLIANT. i love the orchestra more and more. the last part- the 'allargando' sounding part after the pno solo was really great. and i LOVE the cymbals. it was exciting!!

ohwell. its late. time to ZZZ.

partial blog termination

2006-10-21T17:40:00.000+08:00

due to several different reasons...

1) A's

2) privacy of entries.. (in which I have taken to writing in a diary of my own)

3) other reasons unknown

i have decided that i may not be blogging proper on this page for a while. as such, no one will know what will happen to this page.

v6 will come, if at all, probably after I get my piano fixed, or if i feel like it.

good day to all.

untitled

2006-10-18T16:48:00.000+08:00

music really ruined my life.

goodbye, it's the end.

nice knowing everyone of you.

sentiments and emotions

2006-10-18T15:58:00.000+08:00

why isit that im so sentimental and emotional? it doesnt serve any purpose.

for all that i've done, i've received little in return. the greatest gift someone could give me is their friendship and companionship, their willingness to listen and share and something that is worth more than all we can buy or spend on earth. at least, for part of what i've done, i've received the gratefulness and thanks and friendship from people whom i've come to admire and love.

but who knows, it might pay more to be heartless and unfeeling, for when you lose something, you dont feel the pinch anymore. perhaps that's because you've lost something so big, its negligible to lose anything else; you've already lost your humanity. but what use is humanity if you don't have anyone to exercise it on. the chinese proverb says, do unto others what you want others to do unto you. perhaps it's reciprocating that unkindness and unforgiving spirit over the past 6 years that results in this mess right now, and i'm making a clean break from this mess and claim to hate it forever more. i really dont know what hurts me more. the shit you all have to give me, or the shit that i give myself. it's pathetic.

i confess myself disappointed i didn't guard that precious well enough and now i've lost it, and with it, the happy memories and penmanships of those i know. i'm feeling overwhelmed now because i dont know how to verbalize my anguish. it sucks. i feel murderous right now.

missing ppl

2006-10-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

sigh. stupid small brained philistines are all dragging us on the one way path to hell. darius bro i really miss you LOADS man. no one to bitch to and one less person to share my musical thoughts and pool games with.. omg..! man come out soon OK!!

yesterdayy~

2006-10-14T12:19:00.000+08:00

i guess ytd could be said to have been really eventful.

1st. rushing down to j8 to get flowers for my darling mario sisters (: wah. gg there wasnt too bad. "come back in 15 minutes!", she said. at least the flowers looked really gd (: and then after that i er. wrote cards and pasted onto the thing.. so i guess it looked not bad.. walking back to sch sucked.. wahhhh arrived all all sweaty and ruffled. goodness ): and the poor plants had to stay there until 1pm so i watered it twice! haha..! im just really really glad tania and shinbin seemed to like it alot ^^ cheers! they really put up an impressive performance and managed to coordinate with the video really really well.. so i was really impressed.. i guess without them my dreams wouldnt really have come true.. and i would be left there alone fighting a lone battle.. thanks to the two of u.. i really owe it to you..! thanks..! <3

2nd.. gg to buy chocs and gg down to ryan's place.. omg la.. his house is damn nice omgomgomgomgomg.. really cosy! and his downstairs is super super nice nice nice..! his whole place is so elegant and his piano is god.. man! its a rx3 k.kawai and it only costs 22.. and its freaking gd for what it is la.. the action was superb! omg.. and the sound is really rich and really very even.. makes my czerny sound like god omgomgomgomg... walau the only other pianos where czerny sounded fine were on the boesendorfer and steingraeber&soehne. so kawai is really a really good piano... okay my impression has changed (: hahahaha..

3rd... pool with jloh was really entertaining hahahahahaa. we did really stupid shots and stuff and i guess it was rather fun la. not too bad (:

at long last

2006-10-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

school has officially ended. oops and my silly results slip's comments ended with a comma and so ms veera took it back to amend and i havent collected it from her. i happily and most gladly ponned awards ceremony which was totally stupid and i dont know what rubbish went on and i have no inclination to know who received what prizes. i can say with certainty there are ppl walking on stage to get prizes. ppl whom i really think dont deserve whatever they get. ppl who are so hypocritical, biased and stuff. ppl who can actually say things to harm their own pride and others pride collectively. ppl who dont really give much of a damn. ppl who dont put in the correct effort required. ppl who have bad attitude. like me- stay out of things and dont go up there and get awards you shouldnt deserve to get. okay im not really jealous or what. i just think that this whole system is screwed up because ppl who deserve awards dont actually get recognition (like keegan who really poured his blood out for alot of things in and out of sch and ive witnessed it.. literally.) but other ppl who dont even do much for their cca get some form of reward. its like so imbalanced and its totally unreflective of stuff. so i guess it isnt really smashing to walk up there and receive an award, nor is it shameful, after all, not to get one. because we are all better than the awards. but ohwell.

oh by the way, dont tell me how nice a PARTICULAR 4-movement 4-composer chinese piano concerto is because i decided to hate it at long last. i shall resolve not to miss playing it and it shall be buried in history. i shall learn concerti from top down now. rach 1, 2, 3, tchaikovsky 1 and my own starts first. (: i wish i could play rach 3 someday. and look like its some kind of effortless playing. i dont know why rach's hands are so big. its so impossible to play some of the things he writes. hofmann was right. "arms of steel".. i hope he was right about the 'heart of gold' part because he seems like hes torturing the pianist through and through. ): oh well. but he writes BEAUTIFULLY. oh man. my fave recordings for rach 3 which i have listened to are.. argerich 1995, horowitz 1976, janis 1957, rachmaninov 1939. sigh its damn nice la. 1st movt like telling a story... sigh rach's theme is so beautiful. so.. simple yet tightly knit and yet so dynamic.. counterpointable, transformable.. omg la. im jealous.

the triumph

2006-10-09T23:27:00.000+08:00

so, what does it matter if you don't get any awards or recognition? i just hope that as someone who stands by my own principles, i will just stick to my firm belief that i value what i do, above school recognition. oh, so you got a merit award, and you lorded it over other people, bringing misery to their lives and trying to run the show. oh, so you have a commendation award, do you? for being top three? oh, so you got an appreciation award, and someone liked you for some contributions that you made? okay then. some other people pour their blood out but they get no recognition in return. oh, a 'thank you'? that costs nothing. oh forget it. if you dont triumph over THE SYSTEM, triumph over yourself. that is the greatest victory i finally started to understand what they were talking about. triumph over self leads to knowledge and wisdom.

the irony

2006-10-08T11:14:00.000+08:00

and so, it has been felt. i can only hope my intentions come through clear enough. it's like nothing i've ever composed. nothing ever orchestrated so effectively like this, or written with such purpose that even i felt touched by my own writing. ohwell. i can only hope it doesnt sound cheesy. the irony, redundancy, the suffering, oppression, turmoil and distress. i am so glad it has been felt. the passing time. das fliessenzeit.

harmony

2006-10-08T10:28:00.000+08:00

is a disaster. why is rach's harmony so good. i cant believe the chords he uses are so.. omg! i need to control my chord progressions. or else spend 10 years in my study researching chords. goodness.

concerti

2006-10-07T18:06:00.000+08:00

its only recently that i've discovered the beauty of russian concerti and symphonic works.

and that i've only been scratching the surface- rach 1, 2, 3.. tchaikovsky 1...

its ironic that i hated rach 2 and now i love it. it's a really interesting concerto to explore. the idea of symphony + piano obbligato. the way rach never seems to run out of good chords to use and that he can build his tension effectively without compromising his choice of chords and even with control of his chord progressions and modulations.. damn it. he's good.

sucks

2006-10-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

i think i've lost just about everything i dont mind losing a bit more.

and i'm off my hinges.

sigh

2006-10-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

wonder why i'm blogging. always blog halfway and no mood to continue.

oh whatever. life sucks.

when you go mad

2006-10-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

i have been criticised lately for being overly harsh on myself. not that i havent heard this before. the reason why one is harsh on oneself is to demand only the best, and to bring out the ultimate potential that is present in that person. i guess i'm really harsh on myself but whether i should fault myself for it, you be the judge.

like darius, i started out piano really late. i've been taking yamaha courses and group lessons until grade 4. i have 2 hiatuses- half a year btw gr.4&6, and 2.5 years btw grade8 and now. if i'm not lagging, you tell me what im doing. i cant believe it. why does everyone say i have so much potential. (okay, at least, the people that really confide in me their thoughts.. which i hope are true)... there will be ppl thinking im nothing more than a piano crasher who strives to break strings a la lang lang. oh what the hell. fine, let it be. i'm going mad in my own head and theres no one to watch me. how exciting.

the ultimate meepok stall

2006-10-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

run by piano prodigy ryan chow, assisted by ultinoob weiyuan. small bowl at $3, big bowl at $4. chilli sauce included. (hey ryan. we should invest in a peripheral chilli sauce business. lets try to make a sauce hotter than those at like big bird there hahaha) keegan interested in the meepok trade? oh no.. keegan has better things to do. (: like graduate from eastman or curtis and tour the world, a travelling virtuoso.

ohwell. darius suggests holding a concert next year or something! like we each play something.. what about like the 4 rach concerti in 1 evening lol. that would really really really be fun omgggggggg.... but thats so difficult. just learnt that shao suan and shao ying (the super proded twins) played like rach2+3 and liszt1+2 which is like so omg -dropdropjawwww- walau. why they so proded! hahahaa....

oh man. theres really so little time left to love everybody and to cherish everything. sighh ): how i wish i could just lapse into my moody state and lock myself in my room cryin to myself. then again, how i wish that wouldnt happen and i could just be blindly happy forever. whatever.

together we stand, together we break

2006-09-29T15:45:00.000+08:00

i (pleasantly) announce the demise of another 3 strings. 2nd highest Ab. 1 single string + 1 loop. how fun. now my piano is even more damaged than my blog picture shows. how terribly exciting. and i just failed another subject wow. i think my future is ruined. perhaps i'll be ryan's assistant next time.. we're going to set up a meepok stall, and from there we'll expand into a chain.. and slowly break into overseas markets and establish a conglomerate.

sighhhh

2006-09-29T00:14:00.000+08:00

everything's going shit man.

i'm just plain tired and i just wna run away from it all. but hey. i don't even have the strength to lie down, and i don't have the energy to sleep. wow.

forgetting the bad, remembering the good

2006-09-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

is it as easy as people would tell me?

i want to believe that it's easier to forget and harder to remember when it comes to bad things, but when it comes to studies and the beautiful memories, its so much easier to remember than to forget. why do some things have to turn out the way it is? i really don't understand. and its not just me. even my dearest bros. darius. josh. it really sucks core when bad things happen and its really disheartening and i really dont know how to continue. then again i dont know who to blame. my parents? for giving me an overly sheltered environment that i havent figured out how to step out of. is my strength a facade to fool the ignorant into believing that im more resilient than i actually am?

day after day, night after night, i try to clear my thoughts and reflect. today my dearest shared how to reflect. but i'm not sure i'm as good as these young ij girls 2 years below. they can reflect, forget, forgive, reconcile. yet i have difficulty. they are strong whilst i am weak. sometimes i'm really confused and i just cant seem to come to terms with the reality.

whatever happens, i just hope that you'll forgive me... and if you don't, i just hope you'll understand...

of lunch and italian food

2006-09-27T22:27:00.000+08:00

lunch was... fun... altho abit siannned cuz ppl ps, then ppl oso dowan to pool and everyone's like so sleepy. but the food was good..

dinner was great. pontini. i had like the selections from the mediterranean antipasti which was quite like self service buffet things and they had like, the nicest prawns on earth man. each prawn was perfectly done, and the prawns were sufficiently colourful, not those pale ones. they were like just at the right temperature on the icebed, and each was totally totally succulent and juicy and so tasty, and the texture was like perfectly done.. omg! it was like better than any seafood restaurant i've been..! could have screamed. its lke 50% of 20.50 and i ate 17 prawns (oops so piggy!), and some other stuffs like the mesclun greens which were really really fresh, crunchy, tasty, then mussels, anchovies, ham, chicken and pasta salads. haha almost forgot about main course. veal was brilliant. with the sauce, it was like really really tasty, very nicely done up, medium rare is beautiful for me..! my mum had the venison with foie gras which was brilliant as well. its such a pity my veal's something seasonal, those promotion things. but it was really really impressive. bravo for the desserts. thankfully the waiting time was not as long as their estimate of 20 min haha.. my apple strudel was really something out of the ordinary! not your standard layers upon layers of chocolate and thick sugary soggy pastries..! this one was freshly made and it had raisins too! and they used "northern italian apples" haha..! they used a thin crispy filo pastry with "mulled wine reduction sauce" which was really interesting and cute.. it was beautiful. mum's homemade sorbet was the dessert to go for. every bit of the sorbet tasted like the real fruit and perhaps even tasted more like the fruit than the fruit itself. both the lime and passionfruit sorbet was refreshing and just had my palate so excited.. it really resembled the fruit in all its various thousands of little nuances, the bittersweetness of the lime and the pure tang in the passionfruit.. omg la pure indulgence. i just hope it left me less guilty than i felt it would be hahaha..!

STOP. i forgot about the bread. they also bake their bread fresh just like other italian restaurants like prego in raffles but prego gives you one big big chunk of bread and pontini goes for individual cute bread pieces like olive and green olive and wheat. i took the green olive which was an eye-opener in terms of shape (it was like a single curved wedge shape) and really very tasty. their breadsticks are really very very delicious and not hard at all. it was really something that appealed to me totally.. abit on the pricey side but i guess it was worth every cent we spent la. omg. it was just... arghhhh cant wait to go back..!

night out with darius

2006-09-25T23:27:00.000+08:00

rocks core man.

darius' company rocks totally man. went with him to bugis to drink, then went over to red junction to pool. my gawd the pool cues and tables there are DAMN nice man!!!! you can do those funny things like drawbacks and englishes damn nicely... and the table damn nice la omg superb ambience and lighting also la. it was on the more ex side of pooling but it was really really a very nice experience.. den dinner at bugis and bubble tea.. omg thanks D for the drinks hahaha D's super fun to hang out with omg..

thanks so much for tonight :D :D lol! it was great..!

the chronicles of JLoh I

2006-09-25T01:47:00.000+08:00

poor jloh. today he was stuck with 30 bucks to get to east coast mac's from orchard, and then, have dinner, send dawn home and then like go home from simei. he was pooling with me before that. poor thing.. i told him go downstairs have 3 toppings, he said enough time (that was 645) den he just er. one more game lah. so i agreed. pool was about 6 each. 3 toppings was 2 each. den we bade farewell and he called me when i reached home... to ask for directions to get to east coast macs. so i searched and searched and searched and finally found directions for him (: yay! he happily reached bedok and bus interchange but he searched the whole interchange before he found this obscure bus number 401 which i wasnt even sure existed. hahaha. den OMG last bus at 8. guess what the time was 8.05 what joy. so he was stuck with taking a cab there, eating dinner, and gg back home.

I planned his budget- 30 dollars (both of us would easily feel vulnerable): cab to macs 5 bucks, dinner 10 bucks, taxi home 15 bucks. wouldnt go wrong. so... he called me later and "omg taxi fare is exactly 5.00 " so i was like... "hmm my wild guess is quite pro" so in the end... luckily he didnt have dinner. he called me and asked for a estimate of the taxi fare home. so i checked my map and gave him a really conservative figure of $19. hoping that he would never have to use more than 20 because 22 was all he had on him. this is where the story begins.. this poor guy calling and msging his woes and trying to get assurance from me that he would survive this journey back home... and so i'm here to present (without his approval) The Chronicles of JLoh I: Going Home From Simei - by Taxi. for the record, he stays in queenstown, which is SEVERAL stones throw away... even if one were to use a catapult to launch the rocks and pebbles it would still take several throws before he could even smell home.... that poor chap.

<< The Chronicles of JLoh I: Budget Travel (SMS Conversation) >>

[timestamp 23.14] [Jloh to Me] Cab fare: 2.50 at start of journey. PIE.

[timestamp 23.16] [Me to Jloh] Hope it wouldnt exceed 18.50. What are the late night surcharges... They are printed on the side of the window.

[timestamp 23.17] [Jloh to Me] Nope. Dis one appears to haf worn out. 3.50, out of simei.

[timestamp 23.19] [Me to Jloh] lol. See the little metre there. If its jumping in small increments that means surcharge is on. :)

[timestamp 23.19] [Jloh to Me] It is... Urgh... Veh stressful...

[timestamp 23.20] [Me to Jloh] i know. ever tried getting stuck in a traffic jam gg to a concert... double stress. happened on our jazz concert that day haha.

[timestamp 23.22] [Jloh to Me] But i was in my dad's car, not a cab... 6 plus, past payer labar... [comment: omg jloh doesnt know how to spell payar lebar! haha!]

[timestamp 23.23] [Me to Jloh] ok la should be fine. dont be too worried. sometimes i find that worrying makes the meter jump faster. :D

[timestamp 23.24] [Jloh to Me] Balestier, 8.30... Urgh... Im a worrier by nature... Sighz...

[timestamp 23.25] [Me to Jloh] hmm hope he is still on the expressway :) should be fine. i am also a worrier by nature too. cheers bro :)

[timestamp 23.27] [Jloh to Me] Exit adam road, meter 10.30. Going farrer road.

[timestamp 23.28] [Me to Jloh] wth is your driver doing... is there any surcharge gg on...

[timestamp 23.28] [Jloh to Me] No, I haf ta get home dis way. Yay, reaching liaoz!

[timestamp 23.29] [Me to Jloh] congrats :) maybe even 15 bucks would do it. lol. see how good my initial estimate [S$15] is la xP

[timestamp 23.31] [Jloh to Me] Its 12.50. First and last light i finally meet :) Yay...

[timestamp 23.31] [Me to Jloh] got home already? :)

[timestamp 23.32] [Jloh to Me] Nope, got a stretch of road left ):

[timestamp 23.33] [Me to Jloh] relax :) shoulnt be too bad la.

JLoh calls at 23.35. "Yes!! Cab fare cost $13.55!"

I am proud that The Chronicles of JLoh I has a happy ending, with him spending only $18.55 instead of the tightly budgeted $30. Hearty congratulations! :) I'm proud of you... =P

Addendum: Due to the expenditure of 9 SMSes (which cost 5.25c each) and a 2 calls which lasted 1'09" and about 2'00" (which costs 15.75c per minute) - his total expenses total up to $14.53. :) I regretfully announce an margin error in my estimate at about 3.1%.

<< End of Chronicles I >>

Hope you enjoyed this rather laughable read.. =P

untitled

2006-09-21T18:59:00.000+08:00

again, it has to happen.

I WANT OUT.

the mockery

2006-09-20T22:21:00.000+08:00

am i being mocked at? why am i unaware?

when ppl ask, "how's your recording going?" and you reply "we had 24 takes." and they laugh. what are they laughing at? mocking us? are they just laughing for the sake of laughing, or are they laughing because they are amused with our seriousness and determination to get things right, or are they simply laughing at our inability to complete things in 1 single take? are they mocking at your lousy technique, your inability? it's disheartening. sometimes i dont like it when people laugh. okay, am i being very strange or paranoid, or worse, overly suspicious of people? i cant help it. its compulsive. im always suspicious of people's motives, whether they are innocent or malicious. maybe that's me for you.

and something that i always cannot forget, cannot put behind me. it's just something stuck inside me, something that i want to get rid of, yet cannot do so. it's like a tumour which would just rupture if you did try to remove it. and one that's been exacerbated by everything that's been happening around me. why am i unlucky? or am i just being plain stupid and lazy and expecting the results that ppl would get only with hard work? OLT played it, those 2 hammer gangers played it, malisa played it, even some people from random schools i dont know, from MEP, from NAFA, even rgco. it's just so stupid. something that i promised myself, but never got to fulfill. who do i have to blame? if i cant cast a direct blame on anyone, i'll just blame myself. and i'll just remember things for life. i guess the important thing is that i picked up a few important lessons from there- how to be a stronger person (rather, how to be a more metal-stone-heart-intestine (铁石心肠) person) and how to fight for the things that i want. who to blame for what's been happening? myself. i think i just ruined my whole life.

im ruining my life, like, even right now, when im supposed to be studying for bio mcq and math s im here blogging. because i couldnt care less already. im beginning to care less and less about things. about prelims. for example, i just blew chem s today. it was quite fun getting eaten by the paper. thank goodness it lasted only 1 and a half hours. sigh. im feelin really dead and stuff now. dont talk to me about it i think i'll just shout in your face and tell u to get lost. maybe im too polite to do so. i dont know.

concert programmes

2006-09-19T17:11:00.000+08:00

theres alot of interesting programmes going around. im not sure whats happening to pianism nowadays. there seems to be a diverging trend- one progressing in that direction of sheer musicality (and lesser technique) and the other going in the direction of sheer technique (and less musicality). (and perhaps some going in the direction of showmanship, too.) i guess both technique and musicality are both indispensible. without musicality, great technique will only lead you to faint praise- critics saying "good technique, but no soul, no music." without technique, musicality in itself cannot lead you far either. look at shura cherkassky's recordings. musical, but the mistakes in his recordings are honestly disgusting. cant stand listening to him. of course, i shouldnt be in a position to criticize since i havent reached that level yet.

but for pianists who dont have the technique and want to show off... (ahem. like me.) ppl who play islamey and schulz-evler/strauss transcriptions. aha. how ambitious. duno. maybe i should compose something to play for my next programme. aahahaha.

concert programmes

2006-09-17T20:09:00.000+08:00

i heard sim keng boon yesterday was a flop. amusing.

ppl shouldnt go overboard with repertoire. bach-busoni, op.106 and schulz-evler is... excessive. even mikhail pletnev was not this ambitious. dont know what he was trying to prove.

the loss

2006-09-17T14:03:00.000+08:00

its not that i knew him personally, but i do feel some kind of heartache. it's as if i lost someone distant, someone i didnt know but he might have meant something in my heart. it's just so sad. yesterday night i did something i hadnt done before- i prayed for him and everyone. its that im not religious or anything, but i guess it just made me feel better. i dont know if its worth crying over. or that it would do any good to cast blame on anyone. but what is everything coming to if such things happen? im personally at a loss. its not just someone's family, or friends. even people so distant will be affected by things like this. what they always say is correct. a single death is a tragedy, but a massacre is simply a statistic. but whatever the case im just feeling kind of lost and feeling very affected by things. its not helping anybody, but i guess if things had to go this way, it was probably some kind of fate or destiny that made it like that. its just honestly very saddening and traumatizing. i admit i couldnt properly concentrate during exams i was half tired, half thinking about certain things and just staring out of the side windows of the hall. gosh.

and also, im really torn between certain things, and im really distraught. i dno what to do. i think everyone deserves a really really really long nice break after everything. we just need to slow down our pace in life and look back at things. everything's just going blindingly fast and i cant seem to catch up. neither can some people. sigh. im torn between sadness and disappointment.

fight on, dear.

for darius bro!

2006-09-17T00:56:00.000+08:00

YO DARIUS!

THIS IS FOR U! (:

the beauty of that interval

2006-09-14T01:02:00.000+08:00

rach 2 is starting to sound more and more beautiful. yea, i can obviously understand the critics' reactions- underdevelopment of material, and an unsatisfactory overall impression... yet ARGHHH im blown over by the augmented fifth chords... french 6th? dominant seventh chords that have a sharpened fifth... oh whatever. my harmony jargon sucks. but the harmony derived from that chord is fantastic hahaha. ok maybe im abit off my hinges alr. but its normal for someone who's pissed at not having done 25 marks of physics... AND STILL HAS TO CONTINUE STUDYING PHYSICS BECAUSE THERES PAPER ONE AND TWO ON FRIDAY. grrrr.

if i hold a recital, i might play tchaikovsky's the seasons. they're so delightful! hahahaha. i saw sim keng boon's recital program. gaah. its a bit too heavy.. imbalanced programming. ok fine i have imba programming too.. but putting chaconne, hammerklavier and skryabin fantasy next to each other... its tiring for the listener. and the 2 transcriptions at the end... holy cow. but i'd like to see how he tackles the really uber fun schulz evler. and i dont like the godowsky transcription. grunfeld's one is more.. bold in terms of harmony and showmanship and everything. very out of the ordinary konzertparaphrase. well. interesting to listen to i guess. love kissin's and lang lang's playing for that one. just that lang lang's shocking.. lack of accuracy.. (gasp! no.. it cant be happening!!) and a rather untamed tendency to pummel the keys... but his dramatic subito p's are beautiful. kissin and lang lang are the pianists of the new generation. at least, for me.

but we need some more classical specialists. too many virtuosic music going around these days. outrageous, lang lang's liszt-horowitz thingey. (:

of sound

2006-09-12T18:45:00.000+08:00

so, ginger kicked me out at the semi-finals. almond and mushroom were the kind souls. naturally, i prefer almonds and mushrooms to ginger. gingers have an overly sharp taste, totally cutting. almonds are fragrant and mushrooms are cute! and they remind me of mario. ok, not that mushroom, but still..

i dont know. is banging a wrong technique? perhaps senseless banging is just annoying, but when you attack the keys with a purpose, oh well. if banging is a bad technique, because it produces a hard sound, or is simply a wrong way of creating a loud sound, then perhaps lang lang and horowitz have become the disasters in pianism. look at the entire russian school. how many of them are incapable of producing a big sound, a vulgar tone? i've heard bronfman ravage the tchaikovsky concerto. yes, brilliant sound. the way someone plays the first page of that concerto tells a lot about that person. i've heard markovich too. russians are real technicians with emotions. but i can say his petrushka was at least some show of his.. more poetic side. at least there were parts which were soft. i like the first movement of petrushka. very cute ha.

oh well back to this, if banging were a wrong technique.. i dont know. personally i dont find anything overly objectionable about sensible banging. but of course, some doctors seem to have different opinions of banging. the big sound is a gift, yet perhaps i dont know how to create a big sound; my sounds are hard and untamed. vulgar. offensive.

rachmaninov was one who had both poetry and technique.. "arms of steel, heart of gold." when rachmaninov played, "his musical ideas were so big, they ennobled whatever he played." sigh, if only i could reach that stage. rach 2 is getting nicer and nicer every day. okay, i shouldnt be talking about this when i have physics tmr. 1 hour left to sleep, eat dinner and learn the whole fluids front to back. sucks. i'll be delighted to sleep at 3. gaah. signing off for now,-

exams

2006-09-12T17:11:00.000+08:00

they suck.

they're stupid, and they have to make people stupid as well.

of course, those who set those terrible exams are the most stupid of all. what are they making exams into? a writing competition, to see whose hands are the fastest and whose handwriting is the most legible and neatest? a memory competition, to see whose memory capacity allows for the fastest recalls and having all the correct answers at the tips of their fingers?

or even, a competition between the examiners themselves, to see who can come up with the hardest questions on planet earth. sian diao.

v2

2006-09-08T00:49:00.000+08:00

lol now i remember. v2 was niveus mons, white mountain. oh so fun theres so much things that i missed...and parody news in sec3! gosh chromeplastique misses writing those silly articles lol!!!!

chopin etudes

2006-09-07T22:27:00.000+08:00

very fun to play. very difficult. trying to play. lol.

of talent and skill

2006-09-07T15:07:00.000+08:00

do i really have the talent and skill it takes for music? im seriously beginning to doubt my capabilities and really question myself.

yes? maybe its simply due to my early exposure of difficult repertoire... mozart's sonata k576 at 11/12.. beethoven's moonlight sonata at 12.. chopin's revolutionary etude at 13, his ballade no.2 at 14... indeed. my lack of discipline ironically improved my sightreading skills so much, and that it deformed my technique so much. i really dno. islamey at 17. how spectacular. everything i play's a fiasco.

no? look at OTHER people. im just a lowly being and i have no hope of comparing to other people. sigh. i dunno. this is so screwed.

arghhhhhhhhh.

sucks to yamahas

2006-09-07T14:35:00.000+08:00

they're the only thing that i can bang on, because i know i wouldnt bear to crash on boesendorfer or steinway pianos ahahahaaaa. got a really nice nice repertoire that i wana play alr. very interesting stuff ^_^ hehehehehhee. if people dont know actually the pic with the metronome on it is my piano. hohoho.

v5 is out!

2006-09-04T01:11:00.000+08:00

yay v5 is out. i love broken pianos. they give me excuses to buy newer pianos haha. i need a super heavy, super mellow piano. yamaha S series are beautiful. bit heavy but ohwell. i kinda like its weight and evryth. wonder how much they charge for broken strings? yamaha's strings sucks hhahaha.

oops correction: v5.

lets review:

v1: dark planet
v2: dunno? =P
v3: forest dreams.
v4: dark corridors.
v5: broken pianos! (:

the introversion

2006-08-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

and it seems few can understand my plight. no one seems like the right person to which i can talk about it. maybe it might make more sense to develop my thoughts into profound harmonies and extended musical architecture and really personalised. perhaps that may be a better way of minting my thoughts and making them more permanent, more understandable than i myself am.

precious few can fully comprehend the anguish i went through what seems like a perfectly smooth-sailing, average, expectedly enjoyable journey through what was a perfectly disastrous, sub-average and horribly horrific detour through hell. it's certainly affected me alot and ive cried a fair few times over this. but no, i dont understand why im wallowing in self pity and despair when i should be already picking myself up. why am i so weak?

i just want to run away from everything. these 2 years have been so fulfilling it seems tempting to live it over again, but the horrors that have punctuated these delights should never be spoken of again. it only makes me agitated, look at some with increased disdain and disrespect. i guess its a compromise? but still i dont think everything is fair. just that i end up trying to live with everything. i find myself trying to make amends when everything is too late. when the time is right for me to fight, i end up giving in all the time and being taken advantage of. when its not such an apt time to fight, i start to learn and instead i brashly bulldoze my way through things so that im not pushed over, and if anyone's being taken advantage of, its not me but other people. i guess this kind of selfishness stems from a really burning desire to have things your way- sure sign of selfcentredness that i know i have. it also stems from the burning desire to stop getting pushed around, and start deciding that you should have more control over your own life.

but everything's running out of control. i'm almost always unhappy whatever the occasion, and if you want me to find a reason to laugh, im afraid youre looking at the wrong person, but if you want a reason to cry, i'm always here to give you one. life is sad, face it. when people are optimistic, they arent really optimistic as they claim; they're just deluded, running away from the harshest of reality that may not plague them as badly, but just rubs off on other ppl.

why do i find that youre the only person i can turn to, and youre also the person who makes me cry? it's so ironic, i dont even know what's happening and i don't know how to deal with it. i'm just plain confused, plain tired and plain sick. wish everything could simply end like that..

but i know it won't, and we all have to live through this mess. a fatal disease called life. i know i end up writing when things go wrong and i just dont know where to turn in this multidimensional maze of life. its just that maybe im overly sentimental and people whom i treasure so dearly don't actually reciprocate. but little reciprocates directly i guess. im just really confused, contradicted and really concussed.

lrsm's over, and it was a terrible experience. at least the examiners were friendly enough to make the ordeal less of an ordeal but nevertheless, it still qualified as one. i still cant believe its over. dont need to say more, but here a side note: if i get distinction, i'll treat alot of people! (: like keegan, ryan, wcj, jloh, christine, darius, amanda- probably alot of piano ensemble ppl!

back to the grousing and grumbling and rambling. i know there are certain things that i really want to fulfil in life, and im really grateful to my teacher for drawing me many steps closer to my dreams. its just this mixed feeling of regret, of respect, of gratefulness, something that is forever etched in your minds and something that you can never forget... sigh. i dno. just feel like locking myself up and never see anyone again. life is short and depressing. maybe im looking at things the wrong way, but just leave me alone and let me wallow in whatever i'm doing. it might do me some good, you never know. the world would be much better off without me. thanks alvis. i just realised im another social misfit and a noob extraordinaire.

the sadness

2006-08-25T13:58:00.000+08:00

sigh.

i don't know why everything is turning out like that. it's discouraging and i really cant face anything. this is the second time in two weeks that i nearly ate my hands out again, and i don't know what's happening. it's totally depressing and I don't know how to deal with it. i just finished another hour of practise which culminated in a bleeding pinky. it sucks totally and i really don't know what's going to happen from here. i feel no pressure, yet at the same time i feel a whole ton of weight on my shoulders. it's like expectations and preconceived notions that i should score well for my lrsm and my examinations... why people have this expectation of me i don't know and i don't want to imagine, because it's simply unimaginable and its really discouraging when you don't actually achieve what others set for you, or what you set for yourself.

i just want to run away from everything that's going on and i really don't want to face anyone. i just hope i can go into hiding and just not face anything or anyone. sometimes i really hate myself for being able to play the piano, for being so underdeveloped and not being strong enough to chase my ideals and goals, such that i lose out to everyone whether it was meant to happen or not. perhaps that's part of the reason why i hate some people, and they really irk me. because they fight too strongly for their own goals that they hurt other people in the process. and no one knows whats happening to me.

and my mum walked into my room last night and she asked me if i wanted to have dinner. i said no, and she saw that i was crying. apparently she could tell that something was wrong with me, but i refused to say. you wouldn't be in much of a hurry to share your problems to a mum who just walked in on you after you cried two buckets, gnawed at your hands and just did about everything to hurt yourself. sigh. it's disappointing to know that few can actually understand me. and that those who do aren't here, and those who might be able to don't really care much about you.

it hurts to kick things aside and leave people in your wake. i would much rather cleart the bloody mess myself, but... sigh. never mind. it's just a terribly foul mood i'm in now. sucks. it's almost never lasted this long before. i really feel like somewhere on the verge of giving up and breaking down. i don't know what's keeping me going, but i know that it's probably something between my own strength and willpower and the pressure heaped upon me from others. sigh. maybe i'll just screw up my exam and everything. i know that i havent really been putting in much effort and much of it is sporadic. and impulsive. oh never mind about me and my moping. damn those people who make me into this state. damn myself for being like that.

don't bother about me. life just isnt going the way i want it.

the hatred II

2006-08-24T19:28:00.000+08:00

i hate those ppl. to the core. may they be damned to the lowest levels of hell.

everytime i think about it my blood boils and i get into a foul mood, like the one im in now. sucks core. just wana forget about everything and just stone and die or something. gaaah. feel like holding on to somethin and cry myself to sleep.

and by the way, dont eat din tai fung. xiao long bao there sucks.
whole thing not hot enough, skin too thick, soup not strong enough, meat not enough flavour, vinegar too sour. my goodness. its a far cry from those at lao beijing or padang palace or grand shanghai.

the reflection

2006-08-12T16:56:00.000+08:00

love runs deep but hatred runs deeper.
and i really hate alot of things.
why is everything so screwed? i feel like just getting ffff uuu f9 for my prelims...
lovely score.

sucks to everything.

royce chocs!

2006-08-10T11:48:00.000+08:00

thanks to jloh for that box of royce chocs which he got for my bdae (which is like 2 months+~ ago whoops)

i'm left with 1 cube of it out of the 20 original.. and i know my dad snitched some!

texture: godlike!
taste: wicked sick!
aftertaste: wicked sick!
rating: demi-godlike!

piano! bang! break! II

2006-08-06T23:21:00.000+08:00

this time it's rigoletto's fault...
2 loops of strings in 1 week is really NO joke. ):

piano! bang! break!

2006-08-02T22:44:00.000+08:00

(a la yeong chyuan)

his idea of 'pe! bang! break!' really brings laughter to me every time i think about it.

now i got my own piano! bang! break!

sigh... why was beethoven such a genius? ): he cost me alot to repair and restring my piano.. haii. and got to season the damn string. sucks core man.

the dream

2006-08-01T20:07:00.000+08:00

this post is for darius, who cant seem to wait to see what i have planned up my sleeve. nothing much la. the standard.

czerny - variations on a theme by rode, op.33 "la ricordanza"
liszt - dunno what. hungarian rhapsody, sonetto del petrarca, rigoletto?
ravel - gaspard de la nuit

er.. intermission? i need a break..

wcw (my gd friend) - some piano music or transcriptions?
some bach prelude and fugue?? or beethoven sonata? or chopin nocturne?
balakirev - islamey

dunno. haha.

the torture..

2006-07-29T14:39:00.000+08:00

here comes the much awaited weekend..

and another half a saturday just crawled past me, most of it spent in LT1 waiting restlessly for the words to pour out from the mouths of the guests of honour (a product of boring protocol), walking up for a few seconds of glory- further diminished by the fact that you are not the only recipient of a particular prize; no biography, no trophy, the fact is you are walking with a hundred-odd others. but at least you get a signed certificate saying you got some book prize (well, not much, considering he signed so many other things..), and at least something substantial- a forty-dollar voucher to times.

but the worst way to start, was really, the almost-worthless display of aesthetics that preceded the entire ceremony. that approximately 15-minute performance by a meppie quartet (a product of the double majors in violin and piano who is currently enjoying benefits and treatment absolutely not befitting her) simply lasted a quarter of an hour too long.

the canon in D started out forgivably over the cello's opening notes, but ugly sounds started to develop as the violin I entered, subsequently followed by viola and cello. there were recalcitrantly off-tune notes. as the programme entered the second and third pieces, squeaks started appearing and dynamics and coordination were not satisfactory. to conclude their programme, they did an arrangement of anderson's syncopated clock and blue tango. the syncopated clock was also out of tune at parts, with some possible notational errors and unglam portamenti. it sounded way too fast, almost like they were trying to get through the song and finish off- that it sounded much more like the Runaway Clock or the Faulty Clock that Needed Repairs. Blue tango was also slightly too fast, and sounded colourless, rather than blue- and both the anderson pieces were practically played without feel for the mood and colours.

is this definitely a product of That Person? i myself was chased off the venue (not the first time already) to facilitate their practise. now i really do not feel that that sacrifice was worth it, but maybe the music department doesn't consider the welfare of non-mep students with as much heart- it's not their business whether my lrsm gets a distinction or a fail, right? sure, go ahead and piss me off. i'm used to your disgusting antics again. but if thats what you think you deserve, think again and my personal advice is to relinquish your seat and never to return. i have almost never met someone as assumptuous and self-confidence (to the point of sheer arrogance and irritation)

goodness. if anyone asks me what i felt about the performance, i can only say that rafflesians have played better. of course, the performance could have been worse. i'm thankful the torture lasted a mere fifteen to twenty minutes. what a relief. as for me, i'm home and waiting expectantly for my tuner to come and get my piano back into a good shape. finally, some music that sounds in tune...

irony?

2006-07-24T21:30:00.000+08:00

i find that the things that strengthen me the most are actually the most fragile.

the small notes and cards...

a small little green turtle stuck to the side of my piano...

and a laminated A3 page with notes stuck to it...

everytime i see it i just draw strength and it simply gives me new meaning.. thanks (:

gp essay

2006-07-19T19:52:00.000+08:00

whoever wants to read please msn me. hard copy (3 sheets, trebuchet ms font 10 (para spacing 1.5), double columned) or soft copy available.

v1.0 is out.

sigh

2006-07-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

why cant you see eye to eye on some things? i dno if i can take the pressure much longer. this sucks. are you all too good or am i too useless.

-_-""

2006-07-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

sian. today no chocolate chip cookies! goodness! ): and teh bing was not nice today ha. i know i had a good hour's rest during maths lec where i just fell asleep (thanks jiayi for waking me up at intervals so i can copy stuff down and leewei for lending so many things for me to copy)

i got my hug tho (:

oh wells. dinner. bbl!

the gratitude II

2006-07-11T23:47:00.000+08:00

for those people who stood by me in my time of turmoil:

angelique, tania, keegan, joshua, ryan, darius. (in chronology of when i first spoke to them today)

thanks... you've all given me a great deal and just given me strength to continue. if there was anything i needed, i guess it would be:

- concern from close friends
- a hug and someone just reassuring me evryth's gona be alrite
- a nice cup of teh bing and lemon rind biscuits or no-nut choc chip cookies
- a good night's rest

thanks for fulfilling the 1st condition (: appreciation beyond words... haiz. i'm lucky to have such exceptional friends. always...

the pain

2006-07-11T20:59:00.000+08:00

i have set an alarm at 12 noon, on the 31st of august, by which i will have expected myself to complete my LRSM, if i am taking it at all this year. it tells me, maim my left hand. i will probably either knife my left hand or i will just crash it against the wall, dislocate some bones or pound my hand with a hammer until everything just bleeds and goes soft. by then, i know i will not be able to play the czerny variations that have charmed me for a year. neither will i be able to go on with liszt's rigoletto anymore. perhaps that may liberate me from the shadow i have been walking under for a long, long time.

but perhaps, this physical pain is detached, finite and defined- much less impactful than its metaphysical counterpart; lingering and materially intangible, this just hits me real hard. but, isn't it silly? perhaps, even amusing? people just go out to stab other people, and then if they please, they will take dressings and mop up the wounds. we always question ourselves, why bother stabbing people if you're going to mop up their wounds later? to leave a scar? i guess the best excuse is simply.. "spur of the moment". it always happens for me. the impulse is always tempting, the devil. i guess i fall prey to it too. but it sucks, i've lost too much... perhaps i need a transfusion. i dunno...

but these destructive urges have not just manifested themselves recently, they are an ongoing phenomena that has plagued me since a long time ago, though the actual cause has been varying, the pain still lingers in some form or another... even aunt has noticed things going on. yesterday night i cried myself to sleep. terrible thing to do, i learnt. i guess there is little occasion to cry myself to sleep but yesterday was just too much for me to take.

perhaps i'm weak. you could also suggest that i'm sensitive. but if you've been freaked by ghosts for the most part of your life, even the smallest shadow could make you jump in fright. okay, excuses, i know. but i guess i havent got the chance to show my strength of character if i have any, or that i'm simply incapable of showing any.

i guess its ironic, but music ruined my life. xinwei asked me this afternoon, do you want to play sheng for a performance showcasing a CO instrument. and i told her, i didn't want to have anything to do with CO. if someone just stabbed you left, right and centre, you wouldn't be in a hurry to make friends with them. perhaps they might argue otherwise. if they didnt stab me, they made me stab myself. i dunno, i just felt so constricted, it was just like a new lease of life and a total liberation when i left CO. free of the chains that kept me so tightly incarcerated- neither letting me die in peace, nor live in proper. things that keep going wrong, and things that people say to keep me going. (someone) remained only in chamber because he had a commitment to the cca; he appealed in through chamber. its like working for someone because they have knives pointed at your neck. oh forget it. this is so screwed up i just dont feel like talking about it anymore. i was just overwhelmed when can can started playing in penang, and i just felt like crying when i saw mario being performed- it was one of the few magical moments in my life... sighs.

fantastic idea to maim my left hand. i like it.

i'm mad. if i'm not mad yet, i'm going insane.

the pain...

is unbearable...

the gratitude

2006-07-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

thank you to all piano ensemble ppl again, for making my time really worthwhile. i admit that not all my time in there was exactly enjoyable, and that sometimes it can get really ugly, but im just glad that it all resolves nicely... even the nastiest chords have found their own cadences. i guess im really touched by our farewell gift. i kept gushing over it.. the super nice cake (honestly, that cake beats the boesendorfer) and the super super super nice farewell prezzie!! (: some combined gift from all the j1s.. if anything drew tears to my eyes, that did. one side a beautiful a3 laminated photo collage.. (hey! the centre pic was concert photo! keegan nicky and i were in the front centre! (and i look ok goodness im surprised) with shinbin and tania behind keegan and the whole of piano ensemble.. rocks.. nice being -heroes- for once hahaha. and of course, behind, notes from 18 j1s (i think its 18, if not either my maths or my memory fail).. sighs. i guess i'll write a response to everyone or something.. (: if i can find the time i'll certainly do so.

then, thanks to group 2 (goodness. i always practise favouritism! xP - you see the benefits of being in my closest circle? i roasted marshmallows for group 2! haha who else would stand in front of the scorching fire holding 4 sticks of marshmallows and roasting them until they melted, and then bringing them all to the basketball court cuz the rest of my group were dunking my ball there? xP sigh i can be very ego!) yea. to keegan again, for the victor borge act.. i think we're gona do it again! (:

to nicky: thanks for being a fellow heavy hitter! its good to have someone understand your needs when you always sit in front of the piano and thrash the keys... (: keep hammering! to munyoong and huang kai: thanks for making music and for your mugging spree! will always remember your determination to make music.. the relentless pursuit in making good music. huiqi: tho you havent performed yet in any of the concerts, don't give up! you are capable of doing great things, and continue to journey there!

and finally to my darling mario sisters: shinbin and tania, i really dno how i can thank you enough for playing mario.. (: its almost like a dream come true. i guess i dno what is good to say. to be honest, i joined group 2 because of keegan, nicolson and the 2 of u. familiar faces, and just that feeling that we can achieve something tgth- that feeling, you know you can just get something great out of what you're doing, and im just glad that i NEVER regretted my decision to join group 2.. it has always been as good as i imagined it to be. not that im exaggerating or what, but im absolutely frank when i say i dont regret my decision in joining group 2. fine, we may not be as cohesive as "journey of acceptance" or as imaginative as "around the world", but i can say that we're really unique, and its really an honour to be part of this group... i guess i never expected such a wonderful amount of enthusiasm.. it was like, click. mario came, it got arranged, and it got played. i guess it was really brilliant because i enjoyed it, the audience enjoyed it, and if you enjoyed it, it was a success. all that getting nagged at by 6001 was absolutely worth it.

i'm a fighter and i fight for my causes- for my dearest juniors to play on the concert stage, what they have been practising for... and its just absolutely heartening to see that my effort hasnt gone to waste.. thank you for making my time in piano worthwhile, im really happy to have gotten to know you all ppl. love you to bits, shinbin & tania..

and to the rest of you too..

<3

always,
~weiyuan

p.s. just hope that we can all keep in touch. end of my journey in piano ensemble.. at least, its coming to a close. i just hope that the closure of this chapter can bring about the spontaneous bloom of several other chapters, each more colourful than its predecessor... i guess for this very reason it becomes difficult to simply live for yourself, and not for those that are close to you and whom you care for. (: im still gushing over the presents.. hahas. thank you so much, group2! (:

identity crisis

2006-07-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

i don't know.. its like the proverbial catapult into fame, and a regression at similiar pace... sometimes i dno what im thinkin. i guess after everything that has happened, its just like a blur.. so fast. i don't know even what exactly happened... its just slightly shocking. the catapult into the limelight has just ended, and i've experienced some of it... i guess some things just don't change. they leave not indelible memories for one to savour, but rather horrific nightmares to haunt for a long time... i guess i have to admit i have self-destructive thoughts..

"some musicians are temperamental, fickle-minded and unstable." - keegan

i am all of that.

so sue me. i moodswing half of the time and i throw tantrums. sighs. i guess its just me.. i dno why, and i really sometimes wish i weren't who i am. the more you know, the more you appreciate "ignorance is bliss". maybe i wish i werent the musician i am today, if i can even consider myself one. it's a disgrace to the name of musicians. (though i swear upon anything i'm not the only disgrace) maybe i should just put a knife through my hand or something. sometimes i really wish i couldn't play the piano. then i wouldnt need to learn things. there would be no disappointments and my life would have become so much happier... it just gets amusing. amusingly bitter. when you spot the ironies in the situation.

its just that i have to keep my promise to some people.... if theres anything i need right now.. it's: a hug, a miracle and a good night's rest.

i need to know who i really am...

piano chalet

2006-07-05T00:09:00.000+08:00

<3 to all man.

cheers to keegan for the super victor borge act.

cheers to nicky for his ultra hammering..

cheers to huang kai and mun yoong for their super dedication in making music...

<3 to shinbin n tania for being fantabulous grpmates..! (:

haiz

2006-07-05T00:06:00.000+08:00

2006-06-22T14:01:00.000+08:00

I HATE YOU.

you may not know who you are, but i don't really care. i hate you to the core. all of you. you're driving me nuts, making me lost and not knowing who i am. IM A BLOODY DAMN WRECK NOW BECAUSE OF YOUR SHIT. yea, yea. the pretence. i love pretending. and i know YOU do as well. because everytime i see your hypocritical face and hear your hypocritical words, i just feel like nothing would be better than to give you one tight slap. no, make that two. you immoral bitch. climbing on top of other people's heads to get where you want. amusing, isnt it? WHEN WAS IT MY FAULT? YOU TELL ME. WHY DOES EVERYONE FUCKING GO AROUND PICKING ON ME WHEN I DID NOTHING WRONG TO THEM!?

GO AND DIE, RETARDS. ITS YOUR BLOODY FAULT IM NOW BRIMMING WITH HATRED. I DONT CARE WHAT YOU ARE GONNA SAY. it's going to be so hypocritical and sarcastic i'd rather not dirty my ears hearing what you say and i'd rather not even rot my eyes looking at your jerk of a face. rot in timbuktu, go on. damn you. ALL OF YOU.

young pianist in concert

2006-06-18T01:38:00.000+08:00

oh well. not quite young anymore. im old! ):

ah nvm. saw mr loh today. haha so funny. i told him 'ryan says hi' den he ask me to ask ryan why not practising :D hahahaha so fun! omg.

i guess i dint play too well today. but page 4 sounded charming though. alot of missing notes. and i used a really different method of sound production today. and i think im trying to emulate lang lang too much. that conservative bow, the theatrics... (goodness im falling prey to this real bad) and that kind of thing. and the wrists-high-above-the-keys attack on the octaves (like in his don juan fantasy). yea i hit alot of wrong notes at the end. so unglam ok. ):

ohwell. but i guess it was fun la. (: heh.

fun!

2006-06-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

hey jloh and tania thx for yesterday's really fun pool and dinner.. (: really the fun and shared moments make everything spent worth it. yea. just hope that the 3 of us enjoyed it much la. hahaa thx to tania esp for her presence (^_^) super pool skills la. never underestimate tania's pool- it's dangerously accurate and really solid- she did all the difficult rebounds even i wouldnt be able to do... omg -heaps roses- hahah. hope yest was really fun! fish n co's dam nice xP hahaha really nice ambience for dinner and evryth hhe.

thankyou again

2006-06-10T12:25:00.000+08:00

1) thank you to those people who sent me birthday greetings! namely:
eugenia, ryan, angelique mei, joshua, cyril, weiyang (thanks to that joke left of your name), maryann (omg so long u still rmb haha thx!), christine, mr chong, keegan, siyun mei, aunt joyce, tania, bernie, sophia.. hey thanks all of you!!! (hopefully i didnt miss anyone out, if i did plspls tell me ok! my mind is not in the "recall" mode now xP so keke..)

2) thank you to those ppl who made my 18th the best 18th of my life!!:
- uh. all those who watched me perform at my competition, who are- christine, mr. chong, eugenia, cyril, jloh.... (ryan and tania supposedly also, but these 2 jokes were like. missing hahahaha)
- the competition judges who promoted me to finals hahahahaha
- my dinner/dota pals! (: eug, ryan, keegan, cyril, jloh... thanks man. i shall rmb brewerkz as the place for my 18th, and it's just gona bring me fond memories, thanks so much ppl.

3) thanks for those ppl who supported me through the competition...
- eugenia dearie who came down on both my competition days and watched me.. struggle through xP
- christine for comin down to watch also
- ryan for really giving me the chance, without whom i might not have made the finals (omg sigh i sound like im stepping on his head sorry ryan..)
- keegan for giving me sound advice on performance
- jloh cyril for comin down to watch
- tania for trying to come down but couldnt make it in time (but still i appreciate it alot thanks ya!)
- mr chong, most of all, for really placing his faith in me and really giving me extra lessons and evryth and realising what i could at least be capable of. thankyousomuch! (:

yea. ohwell. it's the 3rd day that... i'm feeling rather empty. it's day 164 for us, and well. i'm missing you loads, just happy that you've made my wait for you worthwhile. bring back good news and love k? -hugs tight-

sigh. this holiday is really.. not all that i want it to be. sigh. things are passing too quickly yet too slowly. sigh.

bitter and regret

2006-05-29T12:55:00.000+08:00

no matter. i have been graduated from the long suffering i have experienced since years ago.

but the pain still lingers.

and every time, i tell someone that i don't really care if they are in the top positions. i ask them: when they got there, how did they get there? on whose head did they climb? if they climbed on top of their own head, fair and well. but if they climbed on someone else's head, shame on them. it's been a total nightmare for me.

happy nightmares, as someone said it.

what an irony.

and i just cant bear to see history repeat itself. i confess myself disappointed. really disappointed. and to all those who will take heed, a living nightmare is hell. happy nightmares.

##

thanks people!

2006-05-17T22:50:00.000+08:00

great concert, RJPE!

cheers to my entirely GODLIKE group!

munyoong & huang kai in their exciting tchaikovsky's waltz of the flowers... (unstoppable!)
me in my ridiculous act and the blue danube waltz... (wicked sick!)
tania and shinbin in their totally funky mario reloaded.. (GODLIKE!)
of course, keegan and friends in the unbelievable hungarian rhapsody... (ZOMFG BEYOND GODLIKE HOLY SHIT SOMEBODY KILL HIM!)

hehe. just exaggerating.

but really. thanks to munyoong and huang kai who relentlessly (and i mean it in every sense of the word) practised for their waltz of the flowers. sorry for all those harsh comments and alot of "one more time, lets do it again"... LETS CHEER THEIR 3 HOUR MUGGING SPREE ON WEDNESDAY + alot of other random hours put together to make this waltz of the flowers exactly as it should be: russian. exciting, musical, powerful...

thanks to tania and shinbin who took time off their !@#$%^#$&*:"#$ schedule to practise and play their mario reloaded. ALTHOUGH *AHEM AHEM* the video screwed up, but it was a really nice reading of the music anyway. so, cheers! (: LETS CHEER THEIR MUGGING SPREE TOO! tania and shinbin took weekends and holidays off to practise.... yea thanks. extra gratitude to them for being so committed and enthusiastic abt mario (at least, whether they are or not they really appear to be ^^) so for both kaleidoscope and caprice 25, it was bloody brilliant. its like. few people have faith in my arrangements :p and i dint really expect so much interest and commitment so i'm really really grateful to u 2.. thanks so much! and kudos to shinbin for that ultra vid to go along! ^^

and thanks*100000 to keegan whose time i took alot of. thanks for making that victor borge happen and thanks for playing and having some faith in my arrangement. i know my arranging skills suck core haha but thanks for making things work... :D so cheers totally and extra gratitude too! :) heh. hope to get more chances to perform like this. tchr says he dint expect me to have such a sense of humour... :p:p:p hahahaha....

and welcome back hammernicky!!!!!

GROUP II ULTRA:
KEEGAN MUNYOONG WEIYUAN
TANIA SHINBIN HUANGKAI HUIQI NICOLSON

group2 forever! :D

-still high-

shit im feeling as if i just downed a whole bottle of vodka or sth. like gg damn high. hahahahaha. whee.

the two classes of idiots

2006-05-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

this sunday, an ambitious colony of bacteria will execute their diabolical plans to rot one of our most recent and proud national symbols- those 2 big D24s sitting next to . their plans has been long and tedious in the preparation. these high-tech bacteria are all armed with instruments of mass destruction and indeed, some carry 32 or 36-valve semi-automatics, some carry sticks and clubs, some carry hollowed bamboo poles, some carry round wooden hammers, some carry 2-stringed sickles. whatever the case, they are not only ruining the D24s, but the image of the madhouse they represent, as well as the very meaning of music. perhaps i'm bitter. but madhouse politics are madhouse politics. unjustified, barbaric, unscrupulous. in any case, dirty water cannot wash anything clean. it's better to remove oneself from the contamination before it gets worse. nothing would simply get better even if it could: as i always stress, anything "could be worse".

i am a strong believer of murphy's law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. it is quite a justified statement, and means to circumvent these processes in which things may go wrong will result in the formation of another process in which things will go wrong. but i feel ridiculed and manipulated; everything is going wrong for me. when my father actually said that there were opportunities for me to develop, what developed from there, if anything, was a coughing fit and a barely suppressed equivalent of "bullshit." perhaps i'm bitter, or jealous, or critical. perhaps i'm a victim of unfortunate coincidence and circumstance. perhaps i'm simply making myself a target of attack. whatever the case, it has left me totally disillusioned and discouraged. ##

demoralised and disillusioned

2006-04-26T22:24:00.000+08:00

Crying in the rain
Against the white washed walls
Teardrops across raindrops
Impossible to tell which is which
Praying for a miracle
That will never happen
Nightmares across harsh reality
Impossible to tell which is which
Alas, dirty water
Cannot wash anything clean

somewhere out there

2006-03-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

i'm so sorry for cryin, i couldnt help it.

it was simply beautiful...

pure.. pristine.. perfect..

i'm emotional, fine. but thats my business.

but the setting was absolutely breathtaking..

thanks.

(:

2006-02-19T18:42:00.000+08:00

burobbi's 3 fundamental rules of making phone calls:

rule #1: if you keep silent while crying over the phone, the other party will never know you're crying.

rule #2: if you say "hello" but dont get a response, put down. the other party might have fallen asleep.

rule #3: always wait for the other party to pick up. if its not someone you want to talk to, just say you called the wrong number, apologize and put down.

untitled.

2006-02-19T11:48:00.000+08:00

i have no idea how to title this post. titles are easy to read but laborious to write. strangely. they seem to contain the entire blog entry in that little few words.

oh well. so much has happened over these 1 and a half months.. 2006 is proving to be as hectic and crazy as i had ever imagined it to be ): oh well. good and bad things. for someone who does not appreciate compromises, good + bad = bad. (according to the law of uncompromise, bad >> good, .:. good + bad = bad.) oh well. enough of crapping.

good? i got my approval for APE. means? i can skip dipAB to take LR directly. bad? nicolson predicts my viva will shrivel up and die. possible? why not. but im excited abt it nevertheless. havent made up my mind about the repertoire. and oh my gosh closing date is -so- near! ): but whatever there is its centred around my beethoven les adieux. perhaps i might choose rigoletto? bach partita? even balakirev? i duno.

oh well. i duno..

but whatever i just wna thank my 3 valentines for everything. hahaha. <3!
thanks to my meimei for everythin. and thanks to my darlin for everythin too. and that really nice gift. ha. oh well. i simply owe ppl too much. ): ah well. sigh. this is so.. im feelin.. torn apart.

oh: for everyone who uses GamingForce (even if you do not), please pass this link on: http://www.geneseo.edu/~rkr4/gf.html they need help!! ): (and i need my music scores!!) pls go donate something so they can get back online!

Sad New Year

2006-01-19T20:40:00.000+08:00

apologies for being pessimistic. but. yea. at least for me the new year hasnt been terribly happy. ): well im sure it would have been happier if i did my *bio assignment*... and my *undone tutorials*.. -looks around- but its been less than 3 weeks and our whole class is pissed off by a CERTAIN SOMEONE. hmm i wonder who.

SOME PEOPLE, instead of coaxing a conducive environment so that we may learn our ~~mathematics~~ work in peace and quiet, police the area in a perverse desire to identify miscreants and tick them off or bring them on the path to "fair conduct" - in other words, white slips. instead of a peaceful conducive environment what we feel is an air of oppression and disquiet. whats this about policing the LT man? almost everyone gets distracted by the presence of SOME PEOPLE. stop the policing and give us a break. what the hell.

SOME PEOPLE just have a problem with our class. they dont really seem to bother finding out who is in our class and all of us just get the blame for someone else's wrongdoing. SOME PEOPLE accused someone in our class of leaving the hall halfway during assembly. of course, somce nicer people asked us later, and none of us said that we left the hall and our class was all together, so it was impossible if any of us left without our classmates not noticing. hmm. i wonder why our class was pinpointed. bias? prejudice? perhaps- i shall not speculate, or rather, i shall not offer the results of my speculation here.

SOME PEOPLE go to the lengths of halting some nicer people on their way to our class, and informing them of our supposed misbehaviour, going to the extent of demanding to see all the photos in our dossiers, so that they may pick out the miscreants in our class. of course, when offered the chance, they effectively decline, brushing the topic aside by commenting that our class was "troublesome". why is it that while offering the general outline of our class' misbehaviour, the description is often vivid (how true it is, i shall not offer the results of my speculation here) but when it comes to pinpointing the miscreants specifically, the gusto and enthusiasm seems to falter? one can only wonder.

SOME PEOPLE disturb our class by interrogating half our classmates whether we belong to class A or class B. why does it matter? of course, some people did suspect that some people that claimed to be from class B, were actually from class A, but when some nicer people asked our class, no one said they were from class B. it can only goes to show that SOME PEOPLE might have been oversensitive. oh yea? they think that there are liars in our class who claim they are from other classes when those that claim they are from other classes ARE from those classes. why then, is it that our class is being pinpointed for everything while other classes are relatively left alone? is it fair?

SOME PEOPLE fail to acknowledge that our class has been sitting in a certain part of the LT for SOME lectures for a few months, since last year, saying that it was impossible that this new sitting arrangement was implemented since last year, claiming that they come in for all the lectures and they never saw us there, when we can swear upon our lives that we HAVE sat there for some lectures, while during other sessions we were chased back to our original seats. SOME OTHER nicer people DID grant us permission to sit where we were seated. why are SOME PEOPLE not aware of it? and they are still so insistent on finding fault with our class.

OUR CLASS, with its excellent students and track record, easily makes a model class. why are we being picked on for misdemeanours? it makes no logic. sitting next to our class so as to "monitor our class", and threatening to issue the -PIECE OF PAPER-. When SOME PEOPLE fail to find fault with our class after 15 minutes, they leave and patrol other parts of the LT, perhaps trying to satisfy their perverse craving to tick someone off, i dont know. inspecting tables for what should or should not be there, how much purpose does it serve? confiscating subject-related literature? unprofessional, despotic, unreasonable? you decide for me.

SOME PEOPLE seem to have a problem. despite our generally good behaviour, our class has been labelled as "noisy" and "troublesome"- two words often offered by them. ask almost any student: does he/she have so much time to do tutorials and study that they spend time looking for trouble? i doubt. I personally offered THOSE PEOPLE to move our class back to where we were supposed to be seated. they just said, "you decide." i offered a perfectly understandable reason for staying where we were. no further objection was raised- or so it seemed. it is cowardly and hypocritical not to raise objections to us hoho. and what? report everything to some nicer people. i wonder why.

SOME PEOPLE complain that our class gives them attitude, or look at them with disrespectful eyes. I don't tell you- you tell me. with everything listed above, how respectful can we get towards these people. people cannot demand respect; they must earn it. nothing in the world comes free.

i think i have come to the end of this stupid rant. as i should offer with everything that looks like this: EVERYTHING ABOVE IS FICTIONAL. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANY PERSON, LIVING OR DEAD, IS PURELY A COINCIDENCE. Thank you very much. what a sad new year. some people just had to ruin it.

GIVE US A BREAK MAN.

a whole new world

2005-12-30T11:45:00.000+08:00

A Whole New World

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you

Now I'm in a whole new world with you

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star

I've come so farI can't go back to where I used to be

A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me

merry christmas and a happy new year darling (: (you know who you are..) just wana say thank you for everything.. ~~for exploding my phone bill.. for taking so much of my time.. for being such an idiot..~~ for calling and messaging me.. for giving my time with you so much meaning and life.. for being such a darling sweetie.. yea i love you (: -hugs- hope you're alrite and stay happy always! ^_^

happy birthday

2005-12-17T20:03:00.000+08:00

happy birthday bernie!! (: youre 17 now hahas. yays-

reflets apres une faillite

2005-12-17T20:01:00.000+08:00

perhaps it was supposed to be really painful for me, but i felt that all the pain was numbed. yea, i know everyone wanted desperately to win this competition, it was even more so for nicolson, who of course needed to maintain his reputation. for malisa, whom i knew was perhaps my strongest competitor- i know its important for her to win too, for whatever reasons there may be. of course i had my own reasons. 6 good reasons. i may have let everyone down by not progressing where i so desperately wanted to progress, but i guess nevertheless, for a first try, it was pretty okay. sometimes it might strike me as unfair, or maybe. as retribution. or whatever it may be. i guess eventually its still by almost any standards disappointing. but at least i tried.

perhaps. lets face it. im not really cut out for music after all. its just an interest. why is everyone lying to me. my piano sucks. period. no arguments about it. cant even do a proper reading of islamey. oh man i suck totally.

-disgraced-

i honestly dont know how to face the world. it sucks. perhaps for the 6th night consecutive, im going to have problems sleeping. its not helping, either, that some prick which jon shin aptly termed "mr. flying inkpot" wrote nasty stuff about everyone. i hope mdm fang murders this person. oh well.

i should consider going into a 8-year recluse to improve my technique. and oh my god. i think keegan plays op.78 waaaay better than artur schnabel. the schnabel recording is retarded. even perhaps i can do better haah. oh nvm.

my gosh im getting a phobia of music already. im going crazy listening to substandard recordings. what the hell. im going crazy ):

another fun questionnaire

2005-12-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

hm got this off bernie's blog hehs.

1. What foods did you hate as a kid but love now? haha nothing. i dont really like food which i once hated hahahaha.

2. Ham or turkey at Christmas and Easter? both are fine. but turkey at bowling is good too.

3. What family recipes have been handed down to you, and have you tweaked any of them a little bit to make them more yours? alot of piano technique has been handed to me, and ive tweaked them to make the music more mine (: hehe.

4. Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not? ho no. im far from organized.

5. Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly? ha yea. its blank.

6. Would you say that your desk is organized right now? its not a mess cuz my mum bothered to clear it up for me ha.

7. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter? hzomg no.

8. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize? probably CU chalet 2005. but since it went well i can say im very happy.

9. What was the last TV show you watched? ah. whats TV?

10. What was the last thing you complained about? that i played my ravel really badly.

11. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? probably rc or keegan for their excellent piano skill hohoho.

12. What was the last thing you threw away? duno.

13. What was the last website that you visited? BLOGGER! .....

14. Do you like talking on the phone? Why or why not? yea. can talk damn long. yays (:

15. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? keegan. wishing him good luck for open quarters.

16. About how many telephones do you have at home? 4, 1 which doesnt ring.

17. Would you rather pick up the phone and call someone or write them an e-mail or a letter? Why or why not? dpds lor.

18. What is one thing you don't like about your body? my arms. so weak omg.

19. What is one thing you like about your body? ha my fingers! but still. theyre not the best fingers i can find.

20. What are three things you want to change about your home? i wish it were bigger so i can put a larger grand inside hahahahahaa. i wish i had a more private space for my piano. i wana change my home's location ha.

21. What are four books you want to read this year? czerny - la ricordanza variations. balakirew- islamei (Peters), liszt- années del pèlerinage(Schirmer), ravel - gaspard de la nuit (Peters). ha.

22. What are five promises you have kept to yourself? duno.

23. What's the last vivid dream that you remember having? forgot le. something abt NPVC. some nightmare ha.

24. Do you have any recurring dreams? yes!

25. What's the scariest nightmare you've ever had? (hey bern u also got tt nightmare too lol?)

26. Have you ever written your dreams down or considered it? Why or why not? no!?

27. What colour is your bedsheet? blue for now. with some design. ah whats the design. cant rmb nvm. too lazy to check it out ha.

28. What colour are your pajamas? haha.

29. What sound do you wake up to most mornings? my dad insisting hes in a hurry and telling me i must get up like. now!

30. What is the last thing you do before turning off the lights to go to sleep at night? uhs. walk to the switch! :)

31. What do you see from your bedroom window? some building and trees that obscure orchard road from view lol.

32. What makes you homesick? uh. thinking about home lor.

33. Where is "home" for you? my room!

34. What makes it home for you? everything lor.

35. Where is the furthest you've been from home, miles-wise? uh. usa? or maybe france, germany? har.

(36. ah thats the end of the survey le? yea.)

another point

2005-12-11T21:06:00.000+08:00

has.

thanks everyone for the support you've been giving me so far. :) really. but semis is.. oh well. i dont know. dangerous? they're probably going to axe another 2 or 3 people and im afraid im going to be one of them. (although keegan said i got chance to enter finals..) hm and why does everyone seem to be watching my piano comp!!? -wonders- its like everyone knows im in semis b4 i do! oh but perhaps thats cuz someone by the name of -jloh- dragged me to paradiz to dota and billiards, claiming that my ravel was good and my czerny sucked core. haha... i thought otherwise. but well. ryan and i owe each other a coke for making it to e semis lolol! hehe. well if he gets into finals i get a treat at cartel! :D hehe... *psst psst* =P

but yet again im really surprised that i managed to make it past to the semis. i would have thought given my performance i would have been axed easily. i daresay both khoo and rc played better than me. i am absolutely surprised that huimin, ch and denise dint get in!! !!? what happened!? ):

oh well. headache. and im still suffering from gastroenteritis. sucks man. i was like dead on tuesday la. ah wells. i hope im well tmr! i guess competition is gona b tough. ravel toccata and prokofiev toccata are something not to be trifled with ): ah wells.

psst! someone's gona get a really uber special bdae present! =P her bdae is in.. less than a week! (:

a point to make

2005-11-30T23:49:00.000+08:00

1. thank you to everyone who turned up for my recital. that means. er. scenery club MINUS LOUIS but PLUS BRANDON (: and er. john, grace, mark and co. thanks for coming to watch my absolutely interesting performance where you saw me screw up a a flat major scale hahaha. and watch my fingers jam off the keyboard in balakirev's most exciting moments, and to watch my flops in czerny and all my technical errors in liszt. er well. thanks for watching me screw up. for those who wanted to come but cldnt come.. oh well. thanks for having that intention in the first place ;) (looks at some ppl like er. -bernie- =P) ah nvm. at least i didnt embarrass myself in front of u ppl kekeke (: well now i know how far i am from even progressing through the quarters. sigh. in any case.. yup thx to all.

2. do NOT ever insult my meimeis at my blog or in front of my face or that person is going to die. taste the wrath of la ricordanza + sonetto 104 del petrarca + ondine + islamey... ggggnore. my meis are perhaps the nicest people on earth so no one should challenge that fact or risk facing the wrath of.... okay you know. >_<"

3. sigh. tired. shall go and bathe n slp le. hey challengers to daytona records: on NORMAL CAR, AUTO TRANSMISSION: beginner- 5 out of 40. advanced- 6 out of 20. expert- 7 out of 30. hah my auto drift rocks man paktau is actually : at it =P hehehehe.

updates

2005-11-26T00:26:00.000+08:00

hihi to everyone who passed by here. so long havent update le haha. so many things happening ha. double chalet. missing a thousand practices. oh well. i know our dearest zhou lao shi is going to murder me (what joy! >< ) oh but heck. sigh.

right now. the most important thing for me is.. competition! (: just met nicolson today. dotaing. eh hes freakin pro lol. he claims he started only for 1 week (ftw?!!) oh well. i suck at dota. lets face it. but worse im totally hopeless at CS. sigh ): why do i suck so much. oh nvm. let me settle competition first. i really abit scared. no. not abit. freaking scared. ryan came running to me and complain he practiced so little that day. "shit la. only 2 hours +." zz. i died on the spot. here i am having a 1 week holiday in chalet and hey! you come and hey! i practiced only 2 hours. ONLY. zz.

i dont understand why i am slacking so much when the competition is coming so near. this competition, i could say, is of paramount importance to me. firstly, as a big leap into the musical scene. oh well. its the thing that connects me to the musical world. well. maybe music isnt my thing. i think i suck. i cant play mozart or czerny for nuts. my liszt is getting worse. my ondine's control and tone getting horrible and i cant play islamey already. whats this man. i am so dead dead dead dead dead dead dead. ): oh well. i dont know. this is quite bad. at this rate, not only CO will hate me for being missing for 2 months straight, whatever the outcome of the competition i think the chances of me playing huanghe is practically below zero. if i dont do well i will be letting SO MANY ppl down. everyone who has given me some form of encouragement.. oh well. anyway. i feel quite bad.

maybe i shall go and cry myself to sleep or sth.

how useless can i get.

closure and renewal

2005-11-10T11:27:00.000+08:00

indeed.

a new chapter of my life has begun, what with jc and all the new and crazy things happening to me- perhaps something i wouldnt have actually imagined possible last time. thanks to my OG which gave me such an excellent kickstart w00ts (esp thanks to zhengyi, sophia and bernadine, who rock totally!!) yay and 3M rocks! (haha thx to my clique hehe. keyi jiayi leewei yihan) yays! and the four of us in piano ensemble! (rocks to keegan ryan and 6502236) and scenery club! oh wells. and of course crazy piano lessons bringing la campanella from nothing to concert in 1 month, and tackling insane stuff like ondine (hey i swore ravel off when i was p6 haha!) and er. czerny variations (-.-") and liszt sonetto 104 del petrarca. and hey. islamey! (: hehe.

oh well. but whatever the case a part of my life previously still haunts me. perhaps, its myself trying to remember the injustice of it all, perhaps it just won't let go of me. possibly i'm not letting go of it too.

it's funny how most people just look at successful people and/or successes and they unquestioningly accept their "glamourous" success stories. this incident in question has actually perhaps remolded the way i look at people and of course, entirely recasted my opinion towards a whole bunch of people. it's sad how vengeance ranks as one of the higher priorities of man as a person. each person must try and exact vengeance against every one of the misgivings against him, and the result of which is that everyone ends up hurt and unhappy. of course, the objective of vengeance is that the net result is that your opposition ends up less happy and more hurt than you are yourself. and yes, it IS what people have been doing to my friends and to me (perhaps directly and indirectly), and perhaps is what i want to do to people. the injustice and grief! oh gosh. i've suffered a year without the truth staring at me in the face. now that i know the truth behind it all i'm suffering just as badly, if not worse.

it appears to me that the actions of most man are directed by greed and fear. one ascends the political ladder perhaps out of greed for a position of power. and then he abuses it for fear his power may lose effect if not used. isn't it the case? they step on the ~~toes~~ feet of everyone in a bid to keep them subdued and listening. yet, this is the thing, greed and fear, that often becomes the undoing of man.

one day,

one day...

an interesting day

2005-10-31T22:27:00.000+08:00

wow. i just tried out my very first game of dota.
lol it gives me sth to be proud about (but thx alot to wcj who set sentinel on OWNING!!!)
haha. oh well. went lanning with wcj chow and keegan. zomg fun.

stupid renovation

2005-10-31T11:51:00.000+08:00

stupid downstairs and upstairs are doing renovations. stupid management committee approved of their stupid renovations. damn retarded its going to last for one WHOLE MONTH lIKE UNTIL 28th NOVEMBER ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG MY COMPETITION IS ON THE 10th i will be so dead i will have no peace when i practise piano. when i saw the stupid notice i BAM BAM BAM the stupid notice board. den when the lift came and the lift door closed i decided i was still pissed and i BAM BAM BAM BAM the stupid lift door. walau. so pissing off can!

but at least. i think my dad may be very nice and get me another clavi or something. den can practise at 2am and wont disturb anyone ha. and yay can play 2 piano works also! whee! oh wells so sians. dont feel like practising. my competition on 10th december 2005, 1130am, alliance française.